Mind blowing, full-body orgasm can only be reached through foreplay. Foreplay is everything leading up to sex that helps allow one to feel stimulated, turned on, lubricated and open to sexual connection. Without foreplay, deep orgasmic states cannot be reached. Or if they are, they remain shallow, unfinished, and not fully satisfying. Just as foreplay prepares one for sex, foreplay in life is necessary if all the small pleasures - such as food, conversation, movement, connection, and more - are to be fully felt.
But what does foreplay in life look like?
Below we have listed our six top steps to prepare and deepen pleasure in all areas of your life, enjoy loves!
- Cultivating Presence
Just as we cannot expect our bodies to push out an orgasm without foreplay, we also cannot expect ourselves to find pleasure in our lives if we are not awake to the beauty that surrounds us. In every moment.
Some daily habits you can bring into your life to increase presence could involve feeling your feelings, embracing your body through movement, noticing and immersing yourself in nature, nourishing your body with wholesome, fatty, delicious foods, or having meaningful conversations with others.
Becoming present to life includes allowing time and space for sadness, wildness, grief, anger, confusion, and all the other sticky yet necessary emotions that are often avoided or swept under the rug.
Because to know joy, requires knowing grief.
And to know pleasure requires knowing and honouring the mundane.
The more we can sit with the discomforts that life throws at us, the more resilient we become, and the greater our capacity to sustain long pleasurable experiences.
Cold water immersions are a good example of leaning into discomfort and reaping the rewards. The way we react to the cold is similar to how we react to stressors in life. By exposing ourselves to the stress and discomfort of the cold, we begin to learn how to regulate our emotions, reactions and nervous systems in our everyday lives.
- Decreasing Stress
Stress is the greatest cause of a lowered libido. High levels of the stress hormones cortisol and epinephrine decrease sex drive. This is because when we are in fight or flight mode, our bodies instinctively shut off non-essential functions, such as our libido.
In cases of chronic stress our bodies use our sex hormones to meet the high demands of cortisol production. This leaves us disinterested in sex, and frankly too depleted to even access pleasurable states.
Feeling relaxed, comfortable, calm and happy all contribute to our ability to notice and awaken to pleasure when it comes knocking at our door.
We know that simply relaxing is not always easy. It too requires commitment, and most importantly, boundaries.
Notice where you may be accommodating others before yourself, compromising your beliefs/needs/desires. It is in these moments that inner conflicts arise, resulting in stress and dis-ease.
When we learn to communicate our need for rest, our body begins to sing in celebration. And more importantly, when we learn to fully embody rest and relaxation in all the ways that we need it - sleep, quiet, baths, watching our favourite films, nothingness - we say YES to ourselves and our truth.
- Nourishing our Nervous System
Our parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for producing feelings of calm and relaxation in our minds and bodies. To activate the parasympathetic nervous system we can look at techniques such as spending time in nature, getting a massage, exercising, taking a few slow breaths, and more.
Aside from these basics, we also need to physically feed our nervous system with essential minerals. Oat straw is a wonderful plant ally that serves exactly this purpose and supports activating the parasympathetic nervous system.
Oat straw is a nervine, which means that it is literally medicine for the nervous system. A delicious oat straw infusion not only tastes good but it also helps to build a foundation of ease upon which all forms of true pleasure can grow.
Just like protein helps us to build muscles when we are exercising, the mineral makeup of oat straw acts as a perfect support for building the muscles of pleasure and play.
Oat straw boosts alpha brain waves associated with flow-state and joy. It also helps to increase dopamine levels in the brain, resulting in increased libido and sexual pleasure.
Impressively, oat straw also has antidepressant properties, and helps to restore feelings of energy and vitality to the body.
This is important, because energy is required for us to hold, enjoy and engage in pleasure.
Look to oat straw as your pleasure ally, she will equip you with a soothed nervous system and recharge your energy stores - the perfect combination for signalling all systems go to the libido!
- Leaning into Surrender
We cannot force pleasure, it comes when we are ready to receive it, hold it and fully enjoy it.
In sex, surrender can look like deep belly breaths, asking your partner to wait for you as you take a moment to become comfortable in your skin, or releasing your erotic nature and desires without shame.
In life surrender can look like accepting that things will not always go your way, making time to dance and laugh even when you’re busy, or letting go of rules and following your gut.
To fully surrender requires that we first have a nourished nervous system and are well rested and relaxed enough to hold the change that comes. As you can see, each step towards building our capacity for pleasure is interconnected.
- Creating Rituals of Pleasure
Prioritising pleasure takes commitment.
And the best way to commit to pleasure is by infusing ritual into everyday life.
Simple acts like moisturising your body, feeling the water on your skin when you shower, decreasing your screen time, eating consciously, infusing your wild weeds - all of these rituals lay the groundwork for pleasure.
Daily activities can turn into rituals if we do them with intention.
All that is required is that we DECIDE to commit to them, and hold ourselves accountable to this commitment.
- Infusing Play into All that You Do
It is highly important that we do not take ourselves too seriously.
Yes, we are all on very important, profound, unique healing journeys.
And, life can feel difficult, painful, boring… and pleasure or relaxation may feel a far, far way away.
But no matter what, through it all, we need to remember to laugh at ourselves.
We need to remember to play.
Playing may look like laughing uncontrollably, taking yourself out on a date, making art or music, dressing up in a funky, sexy outfit that you love, or simply rubbing your hands in the sand and dirt.
Play is whatever brings you out of your mind and into your body - the place where your pleasure lies.
Play is everything that brings you back to the realisation that life owes you nothing, and that being here is one massive magical gift.
Ultimately, pleasure wants you just as much as you want it.
It is not trying to elude you or confuse you.
Pleasure is a part of your DNA.
It is time for you to reclaim it.